Hello Fellow Body-Mind-Hearts –
Last month I admitted to wanting to be more open and vulnerable with you; that I have a desire to share the lessons and wisdoms I am learning from a more personal and present place. So, here’s what happens…
Every time I sit down to write this blog post/newsletter I struggle. There is deep tug and pull between the part of me that loves to write and share ideas/thoughts and put myself out there to connect with you and another part that is self-conscious, private and terrified of what you might think of me and my sharing. This is the age old yearning to be seen and recognized meeting a deep need to not be seen and singled out. I imagine I am not the only one with this challenge.
All month I have inspirations about what I want to share and how I might word my sharing so that it is eloquent, personal and interesting. Then I sit down just before the New Moon to write and it all goes out the window; I can’t think of what was so beautiful and juicy just days ago let alone how to convey that to you. I tend to revert back to quotes, old adages and less personal ways of sharing. I have a sense of overwhelm about the whole thing.
When I was 10 years old I moved from rural England to Houston, Texas. Let’s just say it was quite a shock to my body-mind-heart and soul! Although I was familiar with the US and that particular city from summer visits to family, living there was quite another matter. For my parents it wasn’t so challenging to return to the country they had lived in so many years prior but for me I was thrown into uncharted waters. The way I did things was so very different from the way folks in my new home did things. I wrote with a fountain pen, they wrote with an eraser-mate; I loved roast chicken and veggies for dinner, they loved PB&J sandwiches; I carried a briefcase, they carried backpacks. I so wanted to fit in and make friends. So learned quickly to hide myself in certain ways and change even my accent. Here is once place where I learned that it is better not to shine and be noticed for your specialness. Yet, I have a natural love and ease for being in front of folks and sharing my experiences and thoughts through words, written and spoken. To be a guide.
I imagine that you may have experienced something similar at some point when hiding yourself felt like the reasonable and safe thing to do. And perhaps there is a yearning to express yourself in some way that feels scary or treacherous. One of the teachings I hold dear when working with this is the definition of gravity that my teacher, Susan Harper, offers…“Gravity is a spiritual force of belonging that says I have a place for you and it is right here!” This is true for all of us…we belong and are supported in being here in our unique expression of humanity. So feeling that embodied physical connection can be the first link in uncovering and standing in my truth.
This process of writing and sharing with you is one way I can reclaim myself. And my work in the world is about helping others to reclaim their ways of being and meeting the world that are unique. I no longer expect or want folks in my yoga classes to match each other in energy, shape or capacity; I wish to see each person honoring where they are that day and expressing that. I offer the same tools and practices to the folks I work with yet invite them to find their own way of embodying them and using them. Knowing that sometimes my words are deeply felt and impactful for you helps me to keep writing and making offerings. And I am learning that I need to keep going for the healthy fullness of my being no matter how you may judge me. I have a collegue who also sends out a monthly sharing and I am continually impressed and inspired by her candidness. I wish to emulate her and yet honor the fact that I won’t do it like her. I wish to do this like me and I am figuring that out day to day.
We need each others diversity and uniqueness to complement our own and to bring us into wholeness. So if you also struggle with the challenge of wanting to be seen and wishing not to be seen please keep finding ways to offer your truth and light to the world. Find the small ways you can more fully inhabit you. I see you.
- Wherever you may be take a moment to drop your awareness down to where your body meets the support under it. Where that is the floor, a chair, a bed, etc. Let your attention rest in the pressure and contact and allow yourself to receive the inherent support that is there. By sensing that support can you find some sense of belonging in order to offer yourself more truly to the moment at hand.
- Consider taking a small risk in letting yourself be seen and vulnerable and perhaps invite another to do the same. Play with the possibility of asking to be seen and letting another you wish to see them.
- Book a Resiliency Session with me. I would very much like to support you in your journey of more resilient living.
Upcoming Practice Opportunities:
- Port Townsend Continuum Inquiry Playshop…Sundays, Jan 26 & Feb 23, 3:30-5:30pm
- Full Moon Mandala Practice…Thursday, February 6, 7-8:30pm
- Seattle Continuum Inquiry Playshop…Monday, February 10, 7-9pm
- Yoga Nidra Practice…Sunday, February 16, 5:30-7pm
- Tending the Nervous System: Honoring Trauma and Cultivating Resilience in the Classroom Workshop…March 14-15
A gentler world begins
In the way you touch your heart.
Be soft with the light inside you.
Caress your body with this breath.
God is nothing else
but the place where the sun comes
up in your chest.
You are the glimmering destination.
You are the golden honey daubed
on the bread of the ordinary.
Whatever is perfect,
whatever is heavenly
From “Savor Eternity” by Fred LaMotte