Artwork by Heather Sawyer

Hello Dear Ones  –

Recently, I was reminded of this wise teaching from Roshi Joan Halifax of the importance of cultivating a strong back and a soft front…

“All too often our so-called strength comes from fear, not love. Instead of having a strong back, many of us have a defended front, shielding a weak spine. In other words, we walk around brittle and defensive, trying to conceal our lack of confidence. If we strengthen our backs, metaphorically speaking, and develop a spine that’s flexible but sturdy, then we can risk having a front that’s soft and open. How can we give and accept care with strong back, soft front, compassion, moving past fear to a place of genuine tenderness? I believe it comes when we can be truly transparent, seeing the world clearly and letting the world see into us” (emphasis mine)

I don’t know about you, but I find myself regularly brittle and defensive especially when I feel afraid or perceive that I am threatened. And with the high level of stress and nervous system activation these days, it can happened pretty quickly. And even with lots of self -awareness and great tools in my bag it is an on-going practice to soften my front and to risk being open. And what I am learning over and over again, in very potent ways, is that the front really can’t soften unless the back is online and steady. 

So I need to start here, in my back. And the questions I ask are…Who or what has my back? What is it truly like to trust that support? What is the somatic resonance of resting back into an experience of steady presence and non-shaming support? Do I even know what that is? To be honest, I have played with this on and off for years but it has not been until really recently that I had a truly reparative experience and now can sense in my bones what it is like to be ‘got’ and supported in such a way. And now I am exploring how that might allow me to soften my armor and be a little more available…to my loved ones and to life.

Our attention is pulled in so many directions and we are harried and propelled forward by the rush and grind of our days that sensing our back body is rarely in our attention. And yet, it could be the very experience that could ground us, steady us and give us the ‘backing’ we need to face so many encounters and challenges. My mentor, Susan Harper, has long spoken about the need for the steady, healthy masculine/father figure backing that is required for the small one/feminine creatrix to be able to go out and explore and come back and know they are safe and supported with no cajoling and no shame.(this is not gender specific but about the ways we encounter and internalize these roles). Whether we got this kind of support as a small person or not, now is the time to cultivate and grow it internally. What and how might you find a steady and flexible back? How might that give you what you need to be soft and open in the front? And how might that be needed in the world, your immediate sphere and beyond?

I don’t have the answers but I am digging deep into the inquiry and trying some new ways of being to reclaim my back and my connection to the support that is intrinsically here…the unconditional love of the earth, my ancestors, my teachers and the teachings, maybe even ones I don’t know. I want to be able to offer more and more compassion and tenderness to the world (and myself) that is in such desperate need for care.  I invite you to join me in this inquiry and let me know what you discover.

May we cultivate a flexible and steady back and soft and open front

May we show up for the world authentically 

May we offer compassion and tenderness readily

May we bring wild blessings and fierce love to all we encounter

Practice Prompts:

• Take some time to feel into your back body. This is a place we are often not aware of since we don’t readily see it. Lay on your back on a comfortably firm surface and take some time to feel your back body through contact and pressure. Then come up to standing and play with sensing your back body as you look and reach out into the world. Take this on the road…to the coffee house, the grocery store, the office, etc. See how it might shift your engagement.
• Explore the question…who or what has my back? Who or what anchors and supports me? Perhaps journal or draw about this experience. Then play with what it feels like to sense that support from behind as you encounter the world or go into a challenging circumstance. Can you draw on them and feel them with and inside you? Stay curious.
• Practice noticing when you might get brittle and defensive…usually when we are scared or feel threatened in some way. See how you might soften the edges or bring in some backing and notice if that helps shift anything. It can take time and lots of repetition, so be generous with yourself.
• I offer one to one sessions, in-person in Bend, Oregon, and virtually all over the world. These sessions are centered on supporting you finding nervous system capacity and resiliency through various practices including but not limited to Somatic Experiencing®, Continuum Inquiry, Safe and Sound Protocol and various emboding practices.  Please email me or schedule a free 20 minute Exploratory Session.

Practice Opportunities:

• Yoga for Resilience, Mondays, 9:30-11am PT, livestream through Body of Insight
• All Levels Yoga, Sundays…Aug 10 & 17, Sep 21, Oct 19, 9:30-11am PT, livestream through Two Dog Yoga
• On Demand Yoga Practices…All Levels… through Two Dog Yoga

Inspirational Wisdom

A Ritual to Read to Each Other

If you don’t know the kind of person I am
and I don’t know the kind of person you are
a pattern that others made may prevail in the world
and following the wrong god home we may miss our star.

For there is many a small betrayal in the mind,
a shrug that lets the fragile sequence break
sending with shouts the horrible errors of childhood
storming out to play through the broken dike.

And as elephants parade holding each elephant’s tail,
but if one wanders the circus won’t find the park,
I call it cruel and maybe the root of all cruelty
to know what occurs but not recognize the fact.

And so I appeal to a voice, to something shadowy,
a remote important region in all who talk:
though we could fool each other, we should consider—
lest the parade of our mutual life get lost in the dark.

For it is important that awake people be awake,
or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep;
the signals we give — yes or no, or maybe —
should be clear: the darkness around us is deep.

~ William Stafford